From Innocence to Wisdom

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A few weeks ago, I was in a line-up at the grocery store, and I noticed behind me a young child in a stroller. What caught my and other people’s attention was that she wore bright pink from head to toe – her hat, coat, t-shirt, pants, shoes, and even her stroller were pink. Most customers were amused by her confidence and joy. The cashier smiled and even asked the young girl “Let me guess – your favorite colour is pink?”

This anecdote underlines the fact that some behaviours are socially acceptable from children, but not from adults. For example, an adult who wears one solid colour (except for black or white on special occasions) may be perceived by others as emotionally disturbed. Then I wondered why do we allow a lot more freedom of expression to young children compared to adults, and whether it is possible as an adult to retain our authenticity.

Since the age of reason is 7, we tend to be very lenient towards children up to the age of 6. An inappropriate remark told by a 3-year-old is often considered “cute and funny”, but when the same child is 10 years old, it’s just “rude”. Young children are often perceived as innocent, therefore harmless and pure.

The dictionary defines innocence as “freedom from sin, moral wrong, or guilt through lack of knowledge of evil”. The word “innocent” comes from the Latin root “in” meaning not, and “nocere” meaning evil or guilty.

The “lack of knowledge of evil” is maintained by adults who interact with youngsters. There is an implicit understanding amongst adults that it’s preferable to talk in a reassuring way with young children. We intuitively know that their immature brain can’t handle strong negative emotions. The world that is shown to children is one filled with love, joy, and understanding.

Consequently, most children live in an artificial and temporary “Eden”, in which their parents are the “Gods” and their needs are automatically taken care of. Youngsters implicitly trust their parents out of a lack of acquired real-life knowledge. As children grow up, they are slowly introduced to a much darker reality, and often challenge their parents’ morals and values.

According to Early Childhood Education Professor Rachel Rosen, the perceived innocence of young children is due to the fact that they are more in tune with their primal instincts than adults. Rosen argues that young children’s innocence may be more an extreme form of selfishness because they don’t yet have the capacity to think in terms of right and wrong. Also, youngsters are unable to understand the impact their words and actions can have on other people because their primary concern is their own physical survival.

As adults, many of our instincts are suppressed by social conditioning. The problem is that we often go from one extreme to another – from being totally concerned with our needs to almost completely disconnecting from them.

How can we reconcile society’s demands and fulfill our needs? In other words, how can we retain our authenticity?

American Psychologist Alex M. Wood defines authenticity as “the attempt to live one’s life according to the needs of one’s inner being, rather than the demands of society or one’s early conditioning.” To be authentic is not about contradicting society’s cultural norms just to be rebellious; instead, it’s about carefully selecting the appropriate social norms to follow.

Authenticity is one characteristic of a wise person. American Psychologist Christopher Peterson defines wisdom as “the coordination of knowledge and experience and its deliberate use to improve well being.”

Although people tend to become wiser as they age, wisdom is not directly related to age. Also, the wise are able to:

• intuitively understand the timeless principles that govern life.

• accurately analyze intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually situations from different people’s points of view.

• sort out vast amounts of information and quickly get to the heart of an issue.

• produce the best long-term results for all with the minimum amount of time, energy, or thought.

• consistently apply their knowledge in various areas of their lives.

Interestingly, although wise people are very aware of the troubles that plague our world, they are able to find joy in it. They have managed to keep that part of the child’s innocence – the ability to look at their surroundings with curiosity and awe as if seen for the first time. The wise do not suppress their instincts but rather use their intuition to guide them through life. Finally, these individuals have found a way to be authentic while being considerate of other people’s needs.

Adults tend to perceive young children as endearing not only because they are often attractive and cute, but because of their apparent innocence. Innocence is a state characterized by the inability to comprehend complex data and/or a lack of practical knowledge of the world. What we usually fail to recognize is that kids are mostly motivated by their instincts, and adults are their providers while shielding them from a harsh reality.

As adults, we often function at the other extreme – disconnecting with our true nature and becoming inauthentic. Wise individuals manage to retain their authenticity and the joy of innocence while being very conscious of our troubled world. Therefore, wisdom may be a way for all of us to combine the joy of early childhood with the maturity of adulthood.

Literary Truths

Here are some behaviours that are socially acceptable from children but not from adults:

• Constant state of happiness: we expect children to mostly have a happy demeanor. If an adult displays the same joyful disposition, we may think that they must be either in denial, deluded, or heavily medicated.

• Authentic body language: kids spontaneously show their true emotions with their facial expressions and body movements. Adults are often conditioned to wear masks and display the exact opposite of what they feel.

• Bodily needs immediately satisfied: children eat when they are hungry, and sleep when they are tired regardless of where they are. As adults, we are forced to stay awake when we are tired and wait until the time is appropriate to eat.

• Direct communication: young children tell you exactly what they think regardless of the context. Adults have different “versions” of the truth depending on the situation.

• No prejudice: kids below the age of 5 look at what “is” and not what it “means”. They don’t have preconceived ideas of what it means to beiBlack, Caucasian, or Asian. As adults, before a person even speaks we have unconsciously made several judgments based on the person’s appearance.

• Prolonged close eye contact: children look at people directly and for along time. Any adult who stares at another person for that long is considered disturbed and possibly a stalker.

Truth in Motion

References

Authenticity: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Authenticity_(philosophy)

Innocence: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Innocence

Innocence Definition: https://www.thefreedictionary.com/innocence

Peterson, Christopher; Seligman, Martin E. P. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford: Oxford University Press. p. 106. ISBN 0-19-516701-5.

Picture 2: http://www.babyphotospictures.com/babies-pictures/baby_with_blonde_hair_and_green_eye.html

Rachel Rosen. “Youthful viewpoint on the existence of innocence.” Humanist in Canada 118 (1996): 28-9.

Wisdom: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wisdom

Wood, A. M., Linley, P. A., Maltby, J., Baliousis, M., Joseph, S. The authentic personality: A theoretical and empirical conceptualization, and the development of the Authenticity Scale. Journal of Counseling Psychology, 55, 385-399.