To Fake it or not to Fake it ? – That is the Question

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It’s 11:30 pm, you’re having sex with your mate. You both have been going at it for at least 20 minutes, and you know that you’re nowhere close to having an orgasm. You’re tired and you think “I have to wake up at 6:00 am tomorrow morning, I have a leg cramp and my vagina is sore”. You don’t want to hurt his feelings because he has been trying really hard to make you come. What do you do?

Most women at this point will fake an orgasm. Occasionally, men also fake it, but not nearly as often as women. Generally, men feel the need to prove to themselves and their partners that they are good lovers. Women don’t have performance anxiety because it’s much easier to make a man climax than the other way around. He may think that if he does not satisfy you in the bedroom, you may leave him. Or worse, he will earn a reputation amongst your friends as being lousy in bed. What he does not know is although he never made you climax, you still didn’t end the relationship and neither were you unfaithful.

The logical way to resolve this issue is to stop faking and tell your partner what he needs to do to give you an orgasm. However, as most women will attest, we are more complicated than that. Sexual satisfaction tends to be a very mind/body connection for women. If you are worried, upset, or concerned about his insecurities – you may not come. Although it is very cliché, your lover may have to make you climax mentally/emotionally to have any chance of giving you a physical orgasm.

Women tend to be the nurturer in relationships. We often put other people’s needs and concerns before our own well-being. This behaviour is probably a combination of nature and socialization. As strange as it may seem, we fake orgasms for the benefit of our man because we feel that we can better tolerate the frustration of being sexually unsatisfied, whereas our partner could not handle knowing that he did not make us come. With all our good intentions, we gradually build resentment to the fact that he regularly climaxes while we rarely do.

We may be concerned that if we’re truthful with our mate, he may leave us because he feels incompetent in the bedroom. The sexual lies that we tell are (oddly) a sign that we care about. As time passes, the lie becomes so big that our partner may become furious if/when we tell the truth. The resentment that we have for him and ourselves for not standing up for our needs may result in an angry/misplaced confession.

The best sexual experiences I’ve had in my life were when I focused on my needs and disregarded my partner’s ego. To fake “it” or not is probably one of the best tests to know if you are with a confident man and if you are truly intimate with him. In the end, since you know the truth about your sexual satisfaction, you’re the only one who can stop faking it.

Interested in learning more? Buy Orgasm Inc movie.

Literary Truths

• Masturbate: you must get to know your own body so you can guide him as to what he needs to do.

• Get enough rest: chronic fatigue is a libido killer.

• Schedule time alone: you need a few hours alone with your partner so you will not feel rushed. Leave the kids with the babysitter.

• Stop focusing on the orgasm: enjoy the ride and not the destination.

• Relax: when you tense up, your body becomes less sensitive to touch.

• Delay vaginal intercourse: intercourse is mostly for your man’s pleasure. Make foreplay the “main” course.

• Tactfully discuss sex outside the bedroom: both of you will be more relaxed and less defensive.

• Examine other aspects of the relationship: your sexual challenges may only be a mirror of what is happening outside the bedroom.

• See a sex therapist: sometimes the issues are too complex and you may need the help of a professional.

Truth in Motion

References

“Anatomic and physiologic changes during female sexual response”. Clinical Proceedings. Association of Reproductive Health Professionals.

Christopher Shea (2005-04-24). “Orgasmic science”. The Boston Globe.

Faking an Orgasm

Foot (Hindu mythology)

Knox, David, Marty Zusman, and Andrea McNeely. “University student beliefs about sex: men vs. women. (Report).” College Student Journal. 42.1 (March 2008): 181(5)

“Women fall into ‘trance’ during orgasm”. Mark Henderson (Times Online).