Casual Sexual Relationships

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I was recently talking with an acquaintance who voiced her concern about her daughter’s exposure to the hookup culture prevalent in Canadian universities.  She feared that by engaging in casual sexual relationships, her daughter could be hurt on an emotional, psychological, and physical level.

But what are casual sexual relationships and how do they impact individuals who partake in these kinds of relationships?

Professor of Psychiatry and Human Behaviour Michael P. Carey Ph.D. defines casual sexual relationships (CSRs) as “single, episodic, or ongoing sexual activity between individuals who are not in a committed relationship”. The interaction can range from kissing to sexual intercourse.

According to Jocelyn Wentland Ph.D., a Research Associate in the Human Sexuality Research Laboratory at the University of Ottawa, CSRs fall into four categories: One-night stands, Booty calls, Fuck buddies and Friends with benefits. In North America, these types of relationships are common among college and university students.

One-night stands are the least emotionally intimate type of CSRs. They usually occur between strangers or brief acquaintances who meet at a bar or party and often involve excessive alcohol consumption.  The partners interact briefly before engaging in sexual intercourse for one night only (although they might have sex multiple times during that night).

Social psychologist William D. Marelich Ph.D. reported that men and women tend to approach one-night stands differently.  Women try to spend a large amount of time during the evening with their potential sexual partners before the hookup.  Marelich explains that these women may unconsciously try to make their behaviour morally acceptable by establishing some rapport with their one-night stand.

Individuals who engage in one-night stands often do not want a romantic relationship with their short fling.  However, a small percentage of them may choose to continue sexual contact with the partner with the understanding that the relationship will remain shallow.  Interestingly, the more frequent these partners meet for sex, the less likely that the relationship will morph into a committed romantic relationship.

Booty calls take place repetitively between two individuals who are in an uncommitted and open relationship.  These people are not friends or emotionally invested in the relationship. One person spontaneously texts the other late at night for sex.  The main reason to accept or reject a booty call is usually the partner’s level of physical attractiveness.  This kind of interaction often precludes public displays of affection (i.e., holding hands) or the participation in other shared activities (i.e., going to the movies). Also, the partner does not stay overnight, and this kind of relationship is easily terminated in the same manner it started.

Fuck buddies are usually superficial friends who develop a friendship in order to have a sexual relationship.  They may share other social activities and might have been former One-night stands or Booty calls. This type of relationship often ends when the sexual activity between the partners stops.

Friends with benefits have a more positive connotation than Fuck buddies because the friendship between the partners is genuine.  These partners often discuss the terms of the relationship before having sex. In order to preserve the friendship, a number of rules are laid out (i.e., keeping the relationship private and/or maintaining some emotional distance).

Individuals involved in a Friends with benefits relationship may not always be forthcoming about attachments or sexual involvements outside their current relationship.  The ambiguous nature of this kind of relationship may result in unexpected complications that may permanently damage the friendship.

Friends with benefits usually respect and care for one another. Therefore it is the only type of casual relationship most likely to lead to a committed romantic relationship.  Furthermore, partners may continue to be friends even after the sexual component of the relationship has ended.

The hookup culture promotes a level of sexual involvement in young adults that may not reflect reality.  In fact, there are few opportunities for honest and truthful discussions about healthy sexuality among this group of people. Many of these young adults have limited knowledge of safer sex practices and effective birth control methods.

Assistant Professor in Counseling & Educational Leslie Kooyman Ph.D. points out that many young men and women believe that their classmates are a lot more sexually active than themselves.  This distortion of reality may prompt these men and women to engage in casual sexual relationships in order to fit in.

Furthermore, nowadays, most young adults wait until their late twenties to settled down in a serious relationship (i.e., marriage).  Therefore, there is almost a 10-year period from 20 to 30 during which many men and women engage in casual sexual relationships.

According to a 2010 Public Health Agency of Canada report, cases of chlamydia, gonorrhea, and human papillomavirus (HPV) were highest among men and women aged 20-24 years old. In fact, rates of reported cases of chlamydia were 2005.5 per 100,000 in women, more than twice that of men at 961.8 per 100,000.

It is important to underline the fact that there is no such thing as safe sex – one can only reduce the risk of infection by using a physical barrier (i.e., a condom).  Some sexually transmitted infections such as herpes and HPV can be contracted even with the proper use of a condom because it only covers the penis shaft.

Wentland reported that recent research has uncovered some of the psychological impact of casual sex on people involved in these encounters.  These individuals tend to engage in riskier behaviours, feel regret, emotional distress, and depression, as well as experience loneliness.

Young women are particularly at risk of experiencing the negative effects of casual sex as they try to emulate their male counterparts. They may fear that most young men are uninterested in committed relationships and therefore pretend to prefer shallow sexual encounters while secretly hoping that the relationship will become serious.

Unfortunately, Western culture tends to encourage a masculine sexual paradigm based on recklessness, indifference, and aloofness, which prevents the development of healthy romantic relationships.

Also, there is still a double standard when judging the sexual behaviour of women compared to men.  Young men who engage in casual sexual relationships are viewed in a more positive light (i.e., studs) than their female counterparts (i.e., loose women).

Young women often have not developed enough self-confidence to negotiate safer sex practices with a potential partner. Because of these women’s inability to communicate their needs and desires, they tend to engage in riskier sexual behaviours.

Brad Swanson, co-host of the show The Male Room TV, has a more radical view of casual sexual relationships.  According to him, there is no such a thing as casual sex because a person penetrates the very private space of another.

Swanson argues that one can casually date (i.e., go to the movies or share a meal), but as soon as the relationship takes a sexual turn, the interaction is now a serious one.  He also questions the honesty of the people involved in CSRs because there is a significant gap between theory and practice in the ambiguous world of romantic relationships.

Swanson encourages people to be very mindful and honest about their feelings and intentions before, during, and after a sexual encounter.  Therefore, the lack of genuine communication is usually the cause of emotional, psychological, and physical damage for individuals involved in CSRs.

The sexual behaviour of young adults has markedly changed during the past decade.  A number of university and college students are involved in the hookup culture with some negative impact on their mental and physical health.

Casual sexual relationships include One-night stands, Booty calls, Fuck buddies, and Friends with benefits and are characterized by their transient and shallow nature.  The lack of sexual health education combined and limited use of effective birth control methods often result in high rates of STIs, damaged relationships, and broken hearts.

Perhaps the first step in improving this situation is to be truthful and honest about how sexual relationships impact us on many levels.  Only by being mindful throughout such an experience that young adults may learn to view CSRs in a more realistic light.

Literary Truth

Here are other interesting facts about casual sexual relationships (CSRs):

• Some other terms for CSRs are premarital coitus; premarital sex; sex that occurs only once; sex outside a committed relationship; and non-relational sex.

• A 2014 Live Science study suggests that women prefer men with slightly larger penis girth for a one-night stand.  However, their preferred penis length was 6.5 inches for either a long-term partner or a fling.

• Women tend to orgasm more often during sex in a committed romantic relationship compared to a one-night stand. This may be due to their openness to try various sexual activities and a greater sense of intimacy with a long-term partner.

• According to a Public Health Agency of Canada report, between 2001 and 2010, rates of reported gonorrhea in women have increased by 77.2%, while rates for men have increased by 38.9%.

• Genital Herpes caused mainly by the HSV-2 simplex virus is a non-notifiable STI in Canada.  Therefore it is difficult to know exactly how many Canadians are infected with genital Herpes.

Truth in Motion

References

England, Paula. (2012). “Has the Surplus of Women over Men Driven the Increase in Premarital and Casual Sex among American Young Adults?” Society 49.6: 512.

For One-Night Stands, Girth Matters: https://www.livescience.com/46141-penis-size-girth.html

Kooyman, Leslie, Gloria Pierce, and Amy Zavadil. (2011). “Hooking up and identity development of female college students.” Adultspan Journal Spring: 4.

Marelich, William D., and Jamie L. Graham. (2013). “Social exchange and social/physical topography of one-night stands in college-age students.” Electronic Journal of Human Sexuality 16.

No such thing as casual sex! Brad Swanton from The Male Room TV: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCTjHauYsdU

One-night stand – Wikipedia: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One-night_stand

Picture 1: http://www.crosstrainingsoftball.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/05/DanceClub.png

Picture 2:  http://www.thebrunettediaries.com/tips-on-flirting/

Picture 3: http://www.askdro.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/unhappy-couple1.jpg

A quantitative study of “friends with benefits” relationships: https://www.thefreelibrary.com/A+quantitative+study+of+%22friends+with+benefits%22+relationships.-a0302109618