He’s Just NOT That Into You

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In 2004, the book titled He’s Just Not That Into You was published and soon became a New York Times bestseller. This self-improvement paperback written by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo gave practical advice to women who were trying to determine if a particular man was seriously interested in them.

The dating game can be difficult to navigate, and the commercial success of this book reveals that most women need guidance. It is rare that two individuals fall in love with each other at the exact same time. Male-female communication can be confusing and rejection is hard to stomach. Luckily, there are ways to prevent all this heartache if you learn to read between the lines.

One of the major differences between men and women is that men often say exactly what they mean. If he tells you “I’m not interested” he means “I’m not interested.” You don’t need to pursue a man who is truly attracted to you. Chasing a man who doesn’t want you will only make you look desperate, and he may become annoyed by you.

At times you may come across a compulsive flirt, and in this particular case, it’s difficult to determine his true intentions. The next clue comes from his actions. Does he call you and try to organize activities with you? Is he seeing you exclusively or are you one of his many “girls”? Is he willing to wait until you know each other better before having sex or does he just wants a quick roll in the hay?

A man who is fond of you accepts you exactly the way you are. He will not ask you to lose weight, dye your hair, or get breast implants. You just have to be yourself even if at times it means revealing your bitchy side. When he’s really into you, he will accept behaviours from you he would never tolerate from another woman.

When a man is truly interested in you, he will make an effort to be appealing. He will have good personal hygiene and wear clean clothes appropriate for different activities. He will not dare to wear jeans to a formal event if he is your date. Also, when he invites you over to his place, the apartment will be tidy and clean.

Women have the reputation of being communicative sex. If your love interest really likes you, he will make a genuine effort to talk to you and be a good listener. Even the most introverted man will open up and find a topic that you both can discuss.

A man who loves you is faithful. He would find it very difficult to obsess about more than one woman at a time; his favorite obsession is you. There is no competition from other women, so you have no reason to be jealous. Also, he’s never too tired or busy to have sex with you. On the flip side, the thought of another man having sex with you will drive him insane.

If he’s really into you, he will be comfortable committing to you long-term (i.e., marriage). After dating you for a few years, he has all the information necessary to make such an important decision. He will not make up excuses to indefinitely postpone settling down with you and he will not feel chained down.

Communication lines can often be blurry in the dating world. The words spoken by a man may have a different meaning for the intended woman. Luckily,  most of the time it’s not our hearts that are broken but our egos that are bruised.

Genuine love is a two-way street, and both parties should be equally interested in each other. What is more painful than being rejected by a man who is not passionate about you? Marrying that same man who will remind you daily that you are his consolation prize because he will never be that into you.

Literary Truths

Here are other tell-tale signs that “he’s just not that into you” at any stage of your relationship:

• One-sided communication: You gave him your cell number, home number, work number, pager number, three e-mail addresses, and full home address, yet he says that he doesn’t know how to get in touch with you.

• He’s cheap: He demands to split any expense incurred during your activities together 50/50 even though he earns twice your salary. No respectable man asks his “dream girl” to pay anything for at least the first few dates.

• You have no “title”: You’ve been dating for years, and you still don’t have an official title such as his “girlfriend” or “fiancée.” In other words, he still introduces you as “a girl he kinda knows.” Also, you have not been to any of his immediate family’s gatherings.

• He’s not helpful: Your love interest is an expert in several fields of study but doesn’t lend you a hand when you most need it. The bottom line is that you have to fend for yourself.

• No concern for your safety: Even when it’s late at night and you live far, he doesn’t make sure that you get home safe.

• You’re his sex toy: He only calls you when he feels horny (i.e., booty call). He expects you to gladly be used by him as a sex object.

• He’s refusing sex: Even worst than being used as a sex object is when he turns down sex when you offer it to him. At this point, he’s actually repulsed by you.

Truth in Motion

References

Garrison, Marsha. “The decline of formal marriage: inevitable or reversible?” Family Law Quarterly 41.3 (2007): 491.

He’s Just Not That Into You

He’s Just Not That Into You book cover

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